Something More
by pinkdigi
Summary: The line between love and hate is hazier than you'd think. [LJ oneshot.]


**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

**Something More  
**……………………………………………………………

Lily sighs and shifts. She has been sitting in the uncomfortable chair in the Hospital Wing for close to five hours.

This is Potter's fault.

That bloody git never listens to her. How many times has she told him that he's an idiot … that he needs to stop going around picking on people because they might just snap and retaliate? Okay, so that isn't _exactly _what happened this time. But still.

He is utterly pathetic, really.

He is.

Why is she at his side, waiting for him to open his eyes?

She doesn't know.

But she knows that she feels guilty, and she knows that she should at least stick around and make sure he's okay. If she is being perfectly honest with herself, she'll admit that Potter isn't the arsehole she once imagined him to be. In fact, he's sort of sweet, in a way. And she's the reason he's in that bed.

Snape called her a Mudblood, something that always seems to make Potter especially agitated (though because it's a nasty name, or because it's always directed at Lily, she isn't sure), and he reacted. He managed to catch himself, though, and was actually starting to walk away from Snape. That was when Snape hexed him: When Potter's back was turned.

It looks like Snape is the pathetic one, after all.

'You _bastard_!' Lily remembers yelling when Potter hit the ground.

It had been pointless, though. Snape hadn't heard what she yelled, because he had hit the ground before she had even fully comprehended what had happened.

Now, Sirius and Remus (yes, _Remus Lupin_,prefect in his fifth year, the only Marauder Lily can stand) have detention all week for sending two Stunners at Snape, knocking him out cold.

For a second, though she _still _has no idea what had gotten into her, she wished she had contributed and sent a third Stunner his way.

She isn't too sure what type of curse Snape hit Potter with, but she figures it's a bad one, because he still isn't awake. But she isn't worried. She knows that Potter is tough. He's been in the Hospital Wings more times than she can count because of that _awful _sport, Qudditch – the one that he's the captain of.

Not that she's noticed him, or anything.

But they both belong to Gryffindor, after all. And he's practically the hero of the entire House. He's the Chaser, though he acts like the Seeker, doing steep dives and dangerous moves. He's scored more points alone than _all _of the Slytherin Chasers combined last year. Gryffindor hasn't lost the Cup since he's been on the team.

Not that she's noticed him, or anything.

She doesn't understand why he constantly ruffles up his hair, trying to make it look windswept. He spends most of his free time on his broom. He doesn't need to make it look _even messier_. Plus, his hair is naturally like that, to begin with. She figures it's to remind the girls that he's the star of the dominant Quidditch team, and that _he's _the one they should all be lusting after. Not that he has any trouble in that department.

Not that she's noticed him, or anything.

Okay, so she's noticed him. It's rather hard not to, though.

He's the Head Boy, after all. (Although how he managed to land that respected title, Lily will never know.) They've been sharing the Head Boy and Girl dormitories since the first of September. Surprisingly, he isn't as annoying to be around as she had expected. He gives Lily space. He hasn't stepped foot inside her room, though she is fairly certain that there wouldn't be any sort of magic stopping him if he wanted to.

Potter shares the same living quarters with Lily, not to mention the fact that they take all the same classes. Lily has noticed that it is becoming harder and harder to ignore Potter. He's _everywhere_ she is – without trying to be, either.

Not to mention the fact that he has been bothering her for a date since their fourth year. He was her first kiss. It was fourth year, shortly after he had starting pestering her. She slapped him and walked away, deciding then and there that James Potter was a pig and she wanted nothing to do with him. But he didn't give up. At first, she thought it was a passing fancy. When fourth year ended and they went home for the summer, Lily figured she'd come back and Potter would've moved on to the next pretty thing that crossed his path.

But he hadn't. If anything, his crush had only strengthened.

'Evans,' he said when he saw her on the train. 'You look really nice … I missed you this summer.' She remembers that she blushed when he said that, then called him an insufferable git and walked away.

Sixth year was much the same. Potter had been – and she means this in the nicest way possible – a bloody arse that didn't deserve to breathe the same air as everyone else ... in her opinion, at least. Except toward her.

He has never been anything but pleasant toward her. And she hates that, for reasons she's not quite sure of. He tries hard to please her. She knows that. But he tries in all the wrong ways.

He assumes that because she is pretty and has many friends that she is shallow and easily impressed, like most of the other attractive, popular girls at Hogwarts. She isn't. She hasn't ever been like that. Maybe, if he got that through his head, she would give him a chance.

He's toned it down a bit this year, actually. He still messes up his hair and plays pranks, but not as much as before. She hasn't had to play referee between him and Snape at all this year, until today.

And she can't help but notice that he hasn't ever had a steady girlfriend. He's had flings, of course, but she can't recall seeing him with the same girl for a long period of time. Lily often wonders if she would be just another fling. She wonders if he is only after her for the chase, only wants to see if he could actually crack her icy exterior. But then, she remembers that "the chase" has gone on for nearly four years. He wouldn't go through all this trouble if he only wants her for a good time, right?

Lily has had two serious boyfriends, but that hasn't ever stopped James from hitting on her. If anything, he tries even harder when he knows she's with someone else.

James tells her she is beautiful practically every time they talk (which is rather often, considering he follows her around like a lost puppy). Her previous boyfriends only told her that when they were trying to get her to go out with them, or trying to get her to do things that she didn't want to do. James always offers to carry her books for her and saves her a blueberry muffin when she is late to breakfast because he knows they're her favourite. He even buys her flowers sometimes, if he runs into her during trips to Hogsmeade. The most she got from the last boy she dated was a poem (and not a very good one – he rhymed Lily with Lily several times).

James is … decent.

And she thinks that she might _maybe, possibly _miss being around him when they graduate and go off in different directions. She'll miss his compliments, his thoughtfulness … the finer points of James Potter. Perhaps she will even miss _him_.

She glances around the room and her eyes land on Snape. Merlin, she hates Snape. She doesn't condone it, but she can understand why James and his friends are constantly picking on him, out of everyone at school. Honestly, she sometimes has to resist the urge to laugh along with James and his friends. Snape is … odd, to say the least. He's greasy and far too obsessed with the Dark Arts for her liking. He constantly calls her Mudblood … as if being a pure-blood is so great! Look at the type of wizards bred from pure-blood families... Snape is a pure-blood, isn't he? That is hardly something to brag about. And if he isn't a pure-blood, well, he would be the biggest hypocrite in the world. And for someone so incredibly unpopular, he has a rather snooty attitude, like he's better than everyone else. Arrogant. That's what Snape is.

She used to think that James was arrogant.

But then again, in a contest between James and Snape, James would have a far better reason to be arrogant. Not that he is. No, Lily doesn't think that he is anymore. Maybe he never was … maybe she only wanted to believe he was.

No, he was.

But he isn't now. That's what matters, right?

She spots a clock on the wall. Dinner is over now. She imagines that her friends are in the common room, doing their homework. She is reminded of her own homework, awaiting her in her Head Girl room. She will be pulling an all-nighter, trying to finish McGonagall's Transfiguration essay, if James doesn't wake up soon. Somehow, though, uncompleted homework doesn't make her want to get up and leave his side.

Her eyes return to James and she frowns. He looks different … something is missing.

His hair is as messy as ever. Some could even say that it's sexy. Lily could say that. She won't, but she could. She wouldn't even be lying.

Lily isn't stupid. Or blind, for that matter. He's gorgeous. She knows that. She's noticed. But he's a prat, too. She thought he was, at least. Maybe he isn't. Maybe she _is _stupid, in certain aspects. Maybe she should give him a chance. One date wouldn't kill her, would it?

There has always been the nagging question in her mind: What would it be like if she gave in and dated him?

She hates being so confused. She wishes she knew James better. If she knew the real him, perhaps she would know for certain that he isn't worth her time. But she's scared. She doesn't want to get to know him, incase it turns out that he's worth far more than she could ever hope to give him.

Since when did she start thinking highly of James Potter?

His glasses, she realizes. He's missing his glasses.

She sees them on the bedside table and reaches her arm out to pick them up. Both frames are cracked. She pulls out her wand and repairs them for him.

She leans forward and gently places them on his face. Her hand brushes his hair in the process and a tingle goes up her spine. It's soft, very soft … softer than hers. She decides that she'll have to ask him what shampoo he uses. She would like it if her hair felt this soft.

Or she'd just settle for running her fingers through his hair sometime.

As he kisses her.

No!

She pulls her hand back as if she's been burned.

James Potter is bad. He is the _one _boy she has sworn to herself since fourth year that she wouldn't get wrapped up with. She isn't going to get involved with Potter.

Potter.

Right.

She hates him.

She hears James shift and her heart jumps into her throat, though she isn't completely sure why. 'Evans?' he asks. 'What're you doing here? How long was I out?'

She refers back to the clock. 'Five and a half hours,' she sighs.

'Have you been here the whole time?'

She is tempted to say no – that she hasn't wasted over five hours of her life waiting for him to open his bloody eyes (which, she now notices, are a gorgeous hazel in colour), and that she thinks he should wipe that stupid grin off his face – but she finds herself nodding and saying, 'I suppose I have.'

'Why?'

She is about to give a great reason, one that will justify her sitting by his bedside for this long, one that will sound logical and not make him think that she fancies him – _because she doesn't _– but she realizes that she doesn't have one.

She thinks it originally had to do with thanking him, but even that doesn't seem like a very good excuse anymore.

She decides to try it.

'I wanted to say thank you ... for sticking up for me,' she says, sitting up straighter and adopting the frosty look she has long since perfected when around James Potter or one of his friends. 'So, um, thank you. I guess that's all I needed to say …'

'Oh,' he says, looking slightly crestfallen. 'Right. Of course.'

She nods. He stares at her. She stares back, knowing she should leave, but she can't. Her legs aren't letting her. She can't seem to get up from that blasted chair, the one she's spent the last five hours mentally cursing for being so bloody uncomfortable.

'Is there anything else, Evans?' he asks, grinning like usual again.

She has to bite her cheek to keep from smiling back.

'Can't think of a thing,' she answers. This time, she does more than just order her legs to move. She stands up, wincing at the pain shooting though her knees and thighs.

'Sorry,' James says. She certainly wasn't expecting _that_. She stares at him for a moment, trying to decide if he's being genuine or not. Of course he is. This is James Potter, and he is a lot of things, but when it comes to Lily Evans –

'No, that's okay,' she tells him. 'I reckon I should've moved earlier.' James nods and sits up. 'Careful,' she warns. He gives her an odd look. 'Well … you hit the ground pretty hard … and I thought that maybe …'

'I'm fine,' he says quickly. 'I'm tougher than all that.'

'I know,' she says, instantly wishing she had just kept quiet. James stands up and she plants her hands on her hips. 'Where do you think you're going, Potter?'

'Relax, Evans,' he says, running a hand through his hair (Lily hates herself for suddenly thinking this habit is cute instead of annoying, and for wanting to replace his hand with her own). 'I'm walking you back to the Head dormitories.'

'No, you aren't,' she tells him firmly. 'You're staying here. You'll be killed if Madam Frey comes by and sees that you aren't in your bed. She doesn't even know that you're awake.'

'I'm with the Head Girl,' he smirks. 'How much trouble can I get into? I'll come back here right after, I promise.' He offers her his arm and she rolls her eyes but takes it, trying to ignore the feelings that course through her when her skin touches his. 'You know, I rather like this side of you … taking pity on a bloke and being nice to him for a change. I should get hurt more often.'

'If you spend any more time in here, you'll have your own bed,' Lily says.

'What makes you think I don't already?' he asks, opening the door and holding it as she walks through, and Lily can't quite tell if he's joking or not.

People are walking down the corridors and Lily is suddenly very aware that she's holding onto James Potter in a public area, where anyone could see them and draw the wrong conclusions.

Sensing her hesitation, James says, 'Don't go shy on me, Evans.' Smiling in spite of herself, Lily turns her head for a moment, not wanting him to see. She doesn't pull away and he doesn't point it out, apparently afraid that she will if he mentions it again. 'Snivelly was in the next bed,' he says, almost questioningly.

Lily nods. 'You've taught your friends well, it seems.'

'How much trouble did they get into?'

'A week's worth of detention for the both of them,' she says.

He grins but says nothing. They walk up the stairs and down a few corridors in silence, one that is not entirely uncomfortable, and Lily is slightly amazed at this. Only with her closest friends can she sit in a comfortable silence, but here she is with James, not talking and still somewhat enjoying herself. She realizes that she doesn't _completely _hate his company.

'You missed dinner,' James says after a minute.

'So did you,' Lily says.

'Are you hungry?'

Lily shakes her head. 'No. Are you?'

'No,' he says. 'I'll just go down to the kitchens after –' he stops and gives a nervous laugh. 'I mean … I don't do that.'

Lily finds herself smiling at this. She makes a mental note to avoid the kitchens while doing her patrols tonight. For once, she doesn't have the urge to land him in detention. She isn't sure why.

'James Potter, Head Boy, sneaking down to the kitchens after hours?' she asks, faking surprise. 'I don't believe it!'

He chuckles softly. Upon surveying the area, Lily notices that many girls are checking James out as they pass. She feels a small pang of annoyance in her chest and it raises too many questions, so she pushes the feelings away. She tears her eyes away from the tall, gorgeous, winking girls to find that James is staring at her and _only _her.

She offers him a smile and he returns it. She vaguely wonders if she is sending the wrong signals to him. She doesn't want to lead him on. She doesn't want him to think that he has a chance with her, because he _doesn't_.

'Thanks for sitting with me,' he says, not taking his eyes off her even as they climb a set of stairs. 'I was out for a _long _time and –'

'It was nothing,' she says dismissively.

'No, it was something,' he insists. 'You're amazing. You know that?'

Lily shrugs and turns her head again, hoping that he hasn't seen the blush creeping across her cheeks.

They walk down another corridor and stop outside the Head's common room. When James lets go of Lily, she frowns slightly.

'Say, Evans … next Saturday is a Hogsmeade weekend,' James says. 'And I … well …' He sighs and gives his head a small shake. 'Never mind.'

He smiles slightly, though Lily thinks it's forced, and walks away.

Why is her heart beating so fast? Why is she holding her breath?

'James,' she calls after him, her voice breaking slightly when she realizes what she is about to do. He stops and turns, a look of surprise registering on his face. She hasn't ever called him by his first name before. Not that she can remember, at least. It feels … nice. She wants to do it more.

'Yeah?'

'Ask,' she says quietly.

'I – what did you say?'

'Ask,' she repeats. 'Ask whatever you were going to ask me.'

James crosses his arms over his chest and walks toward to her, wearing a guarded expression. 'Will you go to Hogsmeade with me, Lily?'

She shivers when he says her name. _Lily_. It seems to roll off his tongue and she unconsciously takes a small step toward him.

James Potter is asking her to Hogsmeade and for once, she doesn't have the urge to hex him until he gets it through his thick head that she doesn't want anything to do with him.

'Okay, James.'

Since when does his name sound so sexy?

James. James. James. James. James.

'You – okay,' he says, repeating it as if he isn't sure what has just transpired. 'Okay. Yeah, okay.'

His face is so close to hers now and before she knows what she's doing, she's reaching out and her fingers are in his hair. James closes his eyes and leans forward a bit, lightly pressing his lips against hers.

Lily is getting her wish. She's kissing James Potter, her fingers tangled in his hair. She is surprised at how soft his lips are, at how good he tastes. She doesn't want to pull away, doesn't want to breathe.

She has feelings for him.

She always has, to some degree.

What girl doesn't like having an admirer, someone who constantly tells them that they're wonderful? He defends her all the time against the Slytherins, mostly against Snape and Lucius Malfoy. She knows that he would never hurt her. He's told her a million times that he cares about her. She doesn't doubt him. She trusts him. Here, now, in his arms, she feels safer than she ever has before.

She is a victim of reputation. That's exactly what her problem is. She has a reputation, an image, to uphold. Hating James Potter is part of that image. She suddenly wishes that it wasn't. She wishes that she could grab his hand and walk around Hogsmeade with him without having to deal with the stares and whispers. She wishes that she could kiss him hello at breakfast every morning and take long walks around the grounds during lunch without the other students talking.

Maybe she can.

She won't know until she tries.

And if she can't, if she can't get the others to mind their own bloody business … then they can always stop seeing each other. It's not as if she's agreeing to marry him, or anything. She's only agreeing to go on one silly little date.

Lily Evans,_ marry _James Potter?

Yeah, as if that would ever happen.

'At least wait until you're inside to attack her,' Lily hears someone say. She pulls away and opens her eyes. Sirius Black is staring at her, grinning like mad. 'Well, well … look what we have here. Evans, is that you? Or has Prongs here fallen victim to someone using a Polyjuice Potion?'

Lily blushes and rolls her eyes. 'Shut up, Black.' She turns around, mutters the password, and steps through the portrait hole. 'Bye … James.'

'See you Saturday, then?'

Lily nods, and then lets the portrait hole close before she gets the chance to hear whatever smart comment Black will surely say next.

She just agreed to go out with James Potter.

She's going to Hogsmeade, _on a date_, with him and everyone will see.

Maybe, now that she's said yes, he'll be able to get her out of his system.

Or maybe she's on the verge of something she has never imagined before.

Something … more.

……………………………………………………………

**Be sure to check out the next part of the "Something" series, "Something Else", which is out now and can be found in my profile!**


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